Thoughts of a Phantom
by Computerfreak101
Summary: Erik's life has been a difficult journey. His struggles with his mother, his tragic relationship with Christine...Here are his thoughts during some of these moments as he struggles through the hell which is his life.
1. Abandonment

Hey everybody! I just thought of this while listening to the POTO soundtrack. It's basically a collection poems from Erik's POV during certain events. This one is set after Christine and Raoul sing 'All I Ask Of You'. It's my first phic, so no flames please. Constructive criticism is allowed though. Hope you enjoy!

&&&&

How could you abandon me

After everything I've done for you?

I've saved you from your loneliness.

Helped you start your life anew.

Your Angel of Music

Has been there to comfort you

From the time you stepped into the Opera House

Since you entered my domain.

I've saved you from depression.

I helped chase away your pain.

I sculpted your voice into that of an angel's

Made it what it is today.

Thanks to me your clear soprano voice

Took the Paris' breath away.

And mine…

And after all that I've done for you,

How did you repay me?

You ripped out my already torn and weary heart.

This heart, which the world claims is black.

This heart that was denied a mother's love.

You destroyed it, broke it,

Dropped it on the ground like you did that rose

And left it in this cold unforgiving world.

And for what?

For that…_fop_.

That pretentious fool

Did he notice you

When you were a mere chorus girl?

A lonely orphan in the Corps de Ballet?

No.

It took a stunning performance

As a Prima Donna for him to even

Glance your way.

And now you choose him

A friend from the past

Over your angel

You choose the harsh light of the world

Against the sheltering, calming Music of the Night

After all I have done…

I put my heart on the line

Gave you my mind, heart, and soul

And now…

Now I am nothing but a broken man.

Well no more.

I refuse to have my heart

Betrayed like this again.

You say you want a world with no more night?

My dear, if you only knew…

As long as I am living

The shadows will haunt you.

Not even your precious _Vicomte_

Can save you from me.

Your Angel of Music is gone

The Phantom of the Opera has returned

You cannot escape…

You belong to me…

&&&&

Well what did you think? This is my first fic for this category, and the first time I've ever published any poetry so I'm really nervous. R&R, please? Remember no flames, constructive criticism


	2. Power

Hey guys. Here's Chapter 2 for you. It's Erik's thoughts about being presented as a freak at the gypsy camp and after he killed his master. His first murder. I hope you enjoy.

&&&&

Humiliation.

Hopelessness.

A burning sense of worthlessness.

Even now, I can still hear their screams of terror.

Their cruel, haunting laughter at the sight of this face.

The twisted, deformed mass of flesh

That condemns me to be a living corpse.

A monster.

The Devil's Child.

And the man behind this torture…

Javert. My master.

I can see him, gathering the coins thrown by the crowd.

Counting them, laughing softly to himself.

In the time I have stayed with him,

I have already made him enough to live comfortably

For the rest of his damnable life.

Yet he still insists to parade me around

Like an animal.

How I hate him.

This burning loathing for the man in front of me.

I can't take this anymore.

The pain, the humiliation…

I refuse to be showed off,

For all the world to see.

This feeling of being naked…

I reach, unseen, for the rope

Tied to one of the bars of my prison.

I throw it around his neck.

His scream is cut off by the rope, coming out as a gargle…

His pudgy hands claw at his neck, trying desperately to free himself,

To escape the death approaching him.

The fool.

A crack resonates through the dark silence of the tent.

And I keep pulling.

Time passed unknowingly before me before I finally let his carcass drop.

I stared at him, his blank, glossy eyes boring into mine.

I killed him.

I just killed my master.

And…I feel elated.

This sense of power is flowing through my veins,

The realization of how easily I had just ended a life.

Life is a short and fragile thing, I realized then,

It can be ended so easily.

_Power_…

I had just killed…

_Power_…

For the first time…

_Power_…

And I knew it would not be the last.

_Power_…

I knew I had to leave

Before his corpse was discovered.

Yet as I ran away from the hell I had lived in

For three long, horrific years,

I knew.

My hands were bloodied.

I was a murderer, Death's apprentice.

I had wallowed in blood.

And I would do it again if I had to.

I _would_ do it again.

_Power_

_&&&&_

Well, that's that. I'm in a dark mood right now. This fic is going to be a combination of ALW, Kay, and maybe Leroux and the 2004 movie thrown in here and there, just so you know and don't get confused. _Please_ review, I'd like to know I'm actually good at writing POTO fan fiction. R&R, or a disaster beyond your imagination will occur.

Computerfreak101


	3. Love

Hi. Normally I would do review replies right now, but…I HAVE NO REVIEWS! WHY IS THAT? Am I that bad of a writer? If so TELL ME and I'll stop writing. But I know people are reading this. Heck, it's on someone's favorites list. Is it that hard to click on the little button at the bottom, type 'Good fic,' or 'You suck, stop writing,' and then click send? No? Then please, I'm begging you. Leave a freaking review! (sighs) But even if you don't, I'm still gonna write, so don't tell me to stop writing, cause I won't. If you read that bit of rambling, thank you. Here's Chapter Three, it's Erik's thoughts on love.

&&&&

Love is a beautiful thing.

It can make you the happiest man alive

Makes you want to climb the highest mountain

Makes you feel like the world is in the palm of your hand

Love is one of the most dangerous things alive.

It makes you do unthinkable things.

Makes you go mad.

Love is…

Something I've never had.

Not by Christine,

Not by the servant girl

Who would rather die then sleep with me.

Not even by my own mother,

Whose only gift to her only child

Was a white mask

So she was spared the horror

Of looking upon me.

Love is something I've felt.

It made me kill,

It made me destroy the things I held most dear

I love you.

Just three words.

Three short, simple words,

No longer then four letters.

So how can these short, simple words

Cause such an impact on a human life?

I can't tell you.

Those wordshave never been spoken to me.

Never in my tortured existence have I heard them

Spoken to me by a woman.

And this monstrous face

Will ensure that I will neverexperience love.

They say that love is the only reason worth living.

So, if I am doomed to be lonely…

Why do I live?

&&&&

Okay, I don't really like how that turned out, but my brain isn't really working too well at the moment. Sorry if it's not that good, and I'm sorry it's so short. The next one will be longer. (I hope.)But there it is, Chapter Three. R&R! Please?


	4. Unless

Oh my God! (cries) I am so happy! I FINALLY got a review! Thank you SO much to **QuillInkAndParchment**! You rock! I love you! Sorry this is late, but I was out of town for a few days, and wanted to finish Susan Kay's Phantom (Amazing book. If you haven't read it, go get it. Now.) and the Half Blood Prince before I continued writing. Outstanding work by Rowling, as usual. And my little bit of writer's block didn't help either. Okay, enough babbling. This poem is about Erik's relationship with his mother. So sit back and enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: I own the Phantom of the Opera! (looks at lawyers) Or not…

&&&&

Mothers are the ones who bring you into this world.

They love you, shelter you, and guide you through life.

They're always there to wipe away your tears,

To hold your hand,

To kiss you.

Unless…your face looks like a corpse.

Then a mother turns into a hateful witch

Whose only gift to you is a cold, hard mask

So she will never have to look upon the monstrosity again.

They lock you away in the dark

Pretending you don't exist.

They moan about why they couldn't have

The perfect child they always dreamed of.

Never mind that even at this early age

You're a genius.

An architect,

A composer,

A magician.

Most mothers would be brimming over with joy

If they had a son like that.

Unless…you look like you've been dead for a few months.

Then they sneer at you,

Push you down, strike you.

Then a mother becomes blind.

They can't see the pain they are inflicting upon their child's heart.

They don't know how they've scarred their child.

Of how the memory would burn in their mind forever.

Because she couldn't give her only child a kiss.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

No, of course not.

Unless…you look like a demon sent from the darkest pits of hell.

And when the pain becomes unbearable

And the child is forced to leave,

Throw himself out into the cruel world

To escape his mother's wrath

The mother should feel sad, right?

Cry herself to sleep, have everyone she knows look for him,

And then embrace him with open arms when he comes home?

Of course she would.

Unless…you look like a monster.

Then she celebrates.

She is giddy, elated,

Finally her nightmare is over!

She is free from the evil child that once dwelled in her womb.

Now she can find a new husband

And have the perfect child she's always dreamed of

The one she should have had before.

A mother is supposed to be there for you.

Shelter you, protect you,

Stay with you in the darkness when nightmares ravage your mind.

Encourage you, guide you, always be the one you can fall back on.

She is supposed to love you.

Unless…you look like me.

Then you'll never find love.

Not from her,

Not from anyone.

&&&&

Aw, poor Erik! This poem is sad! But anyway, **_REVIEW!_** **_PLEASE!_** Here, hugs and kisses from Erik if you review.

Erik: WHAT!

'Till next time! Bye!


	5. Don Juan

Hey everybody! Thank you so much to those who reviewed! Thank you **beelzemongirl**, **QuillInkAndParchment**, and **stitchphantom666**. I love you guys, thank you SO much! Erik, do your thing!

Erik: I hate you. (walks over and kisses all reviewers)

I envy you three right now.

Ahem, well, listen guys, the first day of school starts tomorrow for me, so that means I will once again be burdened with homework, orchestra and chorus concerts, and other things. Updates won't be as fast.

Camille: Since when were they fast before?

(sighs) This is my muse Camille. She'll be helping with the fic.

Camille: Hello.

This is, if you read the title, obviously Erik's thoughts on Don Juan Triumphant right before Christine heartlessly ripped off his mask. And Camille?

Camille: Do I have to?

I can always get Salaya or Maiana to come help me.

Camille: Oh no you don't! Not those psychos! (turns to readers) Computerfreak101 does not own the Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and all those other important people do. (turns to CF101) There, happy?

Much! Enjoy readers!

&&&&

Tonight's the night

The night of Don Juan

I stalk the dark passageways of my lair

My face an emotionless mask.

But inside…

My hands are sweating,

My heart is pounding,

Every sense I possess has increased ten fold.

Tonight I will either be the happiest man on this earth

Or a man with a thousand shattered pieces for a heart.

I leave the darkness of my home and venture into the harsh light.

I can hear them starting,

The overture pounding through my ears and the halls of the Opera Populaire.

I can see the Vicomte in _my_ box, a policeman behind him.

The fool.

The ignorance, the insolence!

He thinks he will defeat me tonight,

He thinks the big bad policemen will shoot me dead tonight

And he will whisk Christine away from me forever

Basking in the glory of being her knight in shining armor.

Ha!

After all this time, I cannot believe he has the stupidity to underestimate me!

I shake my head, ridding it of thoughts of gruesome deaths for the boy

As I hear the chorus start to sing.

I slip, unseen, backstage

And wait.

_Poor young maiden!_

_For the thrill of the tongue of stolen sweets!_

_You will have to pay the bill,_

_Tangled in the winding sheets!_

Christine wants the perfect romance, and is willing to defy a phantom to get it.

She is willing to play with fire.

And now she will be burnt.

_Don Juan triumphs_

_Once again!_

Piangi sings his part and walks backstage.

Right into my deadly, magical lasso.

_Master?_

It is time.

I walk onstage, staring at Christine.

She looks so innocent, so timid, sitting there.

I almost back out.

I can't do this to her.

I can't drag an angel into hell and expect her to love me

It's impossible.

But…I've done the impossible before, haven't I?

I start to sing and take particular pleasure in seeing her shocked face.

_In your mind you've already succumbed to me_

_Dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me_

She may not know it, but she is mine. Not by force, but by her own will.

She gave me her voice and heart

The night I introduced her to her Angel of Music.

And it intensified,

The stakes were raised ever since I showed her

The Music of the Night

We made a deal, and I have performed my end of the bargain.

She is famous, all because of me.

Now she wants out of our deal.

_The games we've played 'till now_

_Are at an end._

She should know…

When you make a deal with the devil…

You keep it.

_I have come here_

_Hardly knowing the reason why_

So true. The child does not know of the events that will take place tonight.

And really…neither do I.

…_I've already imagined our bodies entwining_

_Defenseless and silent._

I have been denied the joys of the flesh for far to long.

We ascend the iron staircases, staring at each other from opposite sides of the stage.

From opposite sides of the line.

She is pure, innocent, a frail and impressionable child.

An angel.

She thrives in the light, in the sun.

I, I am a monster. My hands are forever stained

With the blood of my victims

I have seen, heard, and felt things

That no one should ever have to see, hear, or feel.

I do not belong in the light.

I am a demon.

And demons flourish in the dark.

We embrace each other above the stage

Above the fiery pits of Don Juan's lair.

Above the fiery pits of my hell.

_The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn_

_We've passed the point of no return_

There's no turning back now.

The damage has been done.

The hearts have been broken, the lives have been ruined.

Now is the moment of truth.

Time to see how this nightmare will end.

I turn her to face me, my eyes telling her what my mouth can't.

She stares at me, fear, confusion, and pity in her gaze.

I slip my ring on her finger.

That ring is so precious to me.

I try to tell her

How much she means to me, how much I love her,

How desperate I am.

All I ask is for her to love me.

Something no one could ever do before.

And I can't help but wonder

If Christine really is the same as the world.

I pray to God that she's not.

_Please Christine,_ I willed silently.

_Find the desperate, lonely and broken man behind the Phantom._

_Love me, save me._

_Help me…_

_Say you'll share with me,_

_One love, one lifetime_

_Lead me, save me_

_From my solitude._

_Say you want me with you hear beside you._

_Anywhere you go, let me go too!_

_Christine, that's all I ask of…_

&&&&

Well you know what happens next. Poor Erik! (hugs him)

Erik: (choking)

Hope you liked it! REVIEW!


	6. Make You Mine

Hi. I know this was a long wait, and I'm afraid I have more bad news.

This is the last chapter.

Yes, I've found I don't have the time to work on this, business on the home front takes up most of my time, and most of my time and energy is better spent working on my other stories. Plus the Phantom obsession has diminished, leaving me in no mood to continue writing POTO fan fiction. So this is it. Thank you to **QuillInkAndParchment** for being my first reviewer. And thank you to **beezlemongirl**, **stitchphantom666**, **Spiffy 107**, **Willowwind Audoris** and **LariaKaiba** for reading and reviewing this as well. Phantom plushies to you all and enjoy the final chapter of The Thoughts of a Phantom.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Phantom of the Opera. 'Nuff said.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The stage was set.

The house was full.

The fools that call themselves "managers" were sitting in their box,

Thinking the jewel about to perform was their find.

I know better.

Tonight, is your time to shine.

I took care of the toad.

And now my angel, it is your turn.

Dazzle Paris with your exquisite voice.

Enthrall them with your beauty

Both vocal and physical.

Now is the time that everything you, me, _we_

Have worked for, now is the time

To see it all pay off.

You step onstage…

…My heart stops.

You look…_radiant_.

And that's the least of it, an angel could not compare with your beauty.

You start to sing,

And Paris watches, amazed at the magic you create.

You are an enchantress my dear,

To them you are spinning a fantasy they cannot escape from.

To me…

You are a siren.

Capturing my mind, heart, body and soul

With a voice that would shame

God's finest choir.

You're pulling me into you,

I can't stop myself

Nor do I want to.

The last note vibrates in the air

As Paris, France, _the world_

Showers you with praise,

And I stand there, in the shadows.

Shaking, panting, sweating.

I never thought…

Never _dreamed_…

_Intoxication_.

You have intoxicated me with your beauty,

With your voice.

I am in love, there is no other way to describe it.

Pure love, Christine,

Love that will give itself only to you.

And now that I know,

I must have you.

I don't care what I have to say,

What I have to _do._

I will make you mine.

I slip away as the curtain falls.

Oh yes…

I shall make you mine…

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Well that's it. The moment where I think Erik fell in love with Christine, after she sang _Think of Me_. Hope you enjoyed this fic. Bye.

Computerfreak101


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